Language is used to help us code and recode information, giving meaning to our perspective on the world. And this means words, and their meaning and intention can easily be misunderstood. In order to process such enormous volumes of information, our brains distort, delete and generalise information in order for us to continue to function.
But in doing so, the subconscious brain also looks for patterns and meaning behind the information based on what it has already learnt. And this is often where things go wrong! How we see the world known in NLP as our map of the world has been unwittingly shaped by our own unique early life experiences and the influences around us — consciously and subconsciously.
We unconsciously take on many of the beliefs, values, opinions, judgments and biases about the world around us from our early caregivers without question or challenge. As we grow, our model of the world is built up by language including our internal self talk , our memories — conscious and subconscious, decisions we have made or plan to make, our personalities, values, beliefs and attitudes to the world.
We use this lens to understand and experience our world and this determines how we respond — our interpretation of what is said, our internal dialogue to ourselves, how we feel about things, our mood, and ultimately our physiology.
How we then act and behave is all driven by this internal point of reference which is largely subjective and very often flawed. For someone who is more easily offended than others, it is more likely due to the fact that their brain has been conditioned to respond in certain ways to certain triggers, based on how they see the world. The physical reaction is to feel offended, upset, or angry. There are things we can do to manage our triggers more effectively, and therefore reduce the likelihood of experiencing negative and unhelpful states such as taking offence or feeling hurt by the actions of others.
These include:. Understanding that everyone sees the world differently, based on their experiences, memories, beliefs, values, decisions, personality, and attitudes. Even people that experience the same event, in exactly the same way, will still filter it differently based on their internal map of the world and will associate different meanings to it.
Without this conscious awareness, our brains have a strong tendency to re-use their preferred maps or old patterns, regardless of the territory — ie regardless of the context of the new situation and what might be different. Spend time understanding the context of the situation and what you were most offended by and why.
Was it one of your values that were challenged or what you believed? Did you mis-read the situation or misunderstand what was said? What was the intent behind the communication and what was the context? Spending time being curious about your reaction will help you to understand what it was that was that you found to be offensive.
Understanding this will then help you clearly communicate what you want from the other person. Ask yourself if there is another version of the truth that could be applied to the situation. Not everything is the way it seems, and keeping an open mind in communication is key to ensuring you fully understand a situation before you respond. I recently coached an introverted senior leader who had taken on a new Executive Board position. The issue grew as they began creating their own version of reality that the colleague was being dismissive and not accepting of the change in leadership.
What was clear was that they had felt the new role was a big step up for them, and as an introvert, they wanted to make sure they assumed the new responsibilities with appropriate authority and credibility. It was their own limiting beliefs that led them to take offense by the actions of the other.
When I saw my client for the follow-up session, it turned out that the colleague had not been receiving all the emails as there had been a problem with the email account and they had been extremely apologetic to my client!
Look beyond the words used, however clumsy, to understand the intent and calibrate on their behaviour. People are not only their behaviour, so consider what else is presented to you to understand the context and language of others. He was deeply mortified after receiving this feedback, and it was clear that his intentions were well-meaning, he had just not been particularly skilled at communicating! Whether we realize it or not, we all have a choice about how we respond.
No one can make us feel a particular way — we choose our mood, even if we are not consciously aware that we do. As a coach, I often hear people say that another person made them feel a certain way, perhaps a work colleague or partner made them feel angry or offended because of their actions or something they said. It is often easier to blame others and give them responsibility for our feelings, but ultimately it is our choice how we decide to act.
A more empowering way to respond if someone says something or does something that offends you is to take control and own your feelings. It is perfectly OK to feel offended or hurt but the important thing is to raise this with the other person.
Be clear about what it is that you want the other person to do differently. Often, the offense is created as a result of poor communication or misunderstanding so stating what you want and how you want to be communicated with is a much more resourceful state to be in.
Self-esteem at a basic level can be defined as the value we place on our self. Meaning, any and every little thing they hear might be interpreted as something negative or a critique. Whereas someone with high self-esteem would be able to hear the same comment and either consider the source and not take it personally or consider the source and take the comment as constructive feedback.
The most ideal communication style is assertive. When people are uncomfortable in asking for clarification of comment, they may be offended by something that was not meant to be offensive. This is representative of someone with a passive communication style which quite often, but not always, is reflective of low self-esteem. Rather than clarify the comment they internalize it. Not everything has to be clarified but the receiver of the comment must have a good sense of self or high self-esteem in order to hear a comment and not take it personally.
If the comment was meant to be offensive that says more about the person who said it rather than the receiver of the comment.
In other words, consider the source in this situation. We all engage in cognitive distortions at times by making assumptions. Some people however, engage in them more often than not which greatly contributes to feeling offended. The moral of this story is that people can learn how to be less impacted and less offended by the comments, thoughts, and opinions of others. That concept is so freeing! Everyone tells themselves stories as to why someone said or did what they did even when they have no inside knowledge of motive.
Mostly these stories come from our past experiences. Think about your own family—were there things you could not talk about?
What was okay or not okay to feel? How about what you were allowed to do? Many of these commonly fall in the personal liberty arena—what one says, thinks, does, how, and who one spends time with.
Do the exercise—everyone who has completed this exercise has come up with something. If you are stuck google the term a personal bill of rights.
You will find tons of sheets giving examples of rights each human being needs to have. Read them off, see which ones make you uncomfortable — those will be the ones that are against your family of origins rules of engagement. Another example of an unspoken rule violation — I have a friend that married into a large family who vacations together.
Many in our world were not taught or allowed to give feedback to others—at times they were shamed for informing another what they think and feel. Think about the story of the listener and ask these questions.
If someone responds in a way that seems out of character or immature for their norm, then consider you may have stepped on a history that has nothing to do with you.
That is when getting curious really serves you. When someone responds in an overactive way and if it is appropriate, get curious as opposed to escalating the situation. Ask if they are comfortable sharing more about what they are experiencing. Ask open-ended questions and do not try to argue them out of their point of view. Rather, find out what you are missing and look for points of agreement to empathize.
I hate feeling attacked as well. When you know that you are going to bring up a difficult subject or respond in a way that the listener has a history of over-responding, think about asking permission to bring up the subject — this is an old-school therapy trick.
It would really help me. Why does this work you ask? Because if you ask the received permission to bring up a hard topic, research tells us that they will respond better. Most people like to be asked permission and help. It is a chance to shine. Another way to break the cycle of offense is to describe the dynamic as if you are watching it on tv, with no judgments, name-calling, mind-reading, or assessment of motives, just the facts you see from the outside.
How can we change that? I am worried it is taking a toll on both of us. This way Mary is giving mom a chance to be part of the solution instead of being the problem. Having a hard time imagining fitting into your scenario?
Often, if I was teaching this technique to Mary she would look at me like a deer in headlights with the question but what if she tells me that I should just pick up?
That is fine — mom is entitled to her opinion, it is not your obligation to accommodate it. Notice that the response is firm but accepting. Do not try to argue them out of their point or see things your way — that is a ticket to hell every time.
This is where the power of examples works in your favor, I always try to give folks 3 alternatives. We can agree 1 I will call you once on the way home from work this time. Have an answer for the rebuttals that are easy breezy in tone. If you know the person well you will know the rebuttals. One of the keys to difficult conversation is to not attempt to match the volume and tone of the offended. You want to bring water, not kerosene to a fire.
Your responsibility is how you behave with integrity not how another responds. You are introducing another way of resolving conflict and some folks automatically fight change. Wait till the dust settles, try it again. Developing a new skill set is akin to making a new friend, it takes a lot of practice and contact over time to make it work. For most people, a large part of our self-perception consists of the things we believe to be true.
The alternative would be to pause and reflect if maybe our old viewpoint may be flawed. Sometimes the thing that bothers us the most about other people is really our discomfort with an element of ourselves we see in them. It can be a pack mentality that leaves little room for open dialog or discussion. General Practitioner, Pall Mall Medical. It is quite universally recognized that certain words and actions can be offensive, but the process of taking offense from something is much more complicated than this.
With linguistic research suggesting that people are not always necessarily offended when they witness rude language, it is instead thought that people get offended for a range of different reasons.
When explicitly rude or hurtful language is directed to us, we, of course, take offence at this. When this taking offense occurs, it seems to boil down to our expectations. The act of taking offense, or feeling offended, often occurs due to an experience of negative emotions. These negative feelings and emotions are often caused by a word, action, or statement that conflicts with our expectations and what we believe to be the right behavior, in a moral and acceptable sense.
Being offended is deeply rooted in the expectations that govern our daily interactions and behavior. When a person is easily offended, this could be caused by them struggling to differentiate between their emotions and the context in which they are communicating with someone or witnessing a situation. This kind of reaction is closely related to hypersensitivity and there are many ways to overcome this. Some of us have highly sensitive brains that respond in an intense way to both negative and positive stimuli.
Due to the way they respond, their emotional reactions tend to be stronger as things feel like a much bigger deal to them than the rest of us. People who fall into this category often offend easily as they are sensitive to the feelings of others, themselves, or an overall view of injustice. It could also be that a person is easily offended at minor things, as opposed to big events. Often people are easily offended due to a manifestation of their own insecurities. It could also be that people who are easily offended have an abnormal desire for control and typically suffer from anxiety.
When dealing with people who are easily offended, always try to be empathetic. Feels good, eh? I enjoyed your story. I figure what I will do is have a conversation with him at a later time about the reason for the comment but without taking offence to it. Hello Ken, nice article. We easily get offended because we all have a self image.
This self image is built up by huge collection of past memories. This ego or me easily get offended. When a person starts living in the present moment then there is no ego. Then you can freshly look at every situation, statement or comment. Then there is no ego which is a huge collection of past memories to get hurt or offended. Being overly sensitive can be a problem when just about everything others say with innocent intent is taken badly.
The good news is that brains are very reprogrammable. So have fun reprogramming yours to let you have more happiness. Great stuff! This shall come handy. I hope I can embed this in my thought process so that my mind gets used to dancing to such tips. Me too, Sunny. One of the fascinating things about the human brain is its gullibility. What I mean is that when we imagine ourselves acting out the healthier mindsets and attitudes, we fool ourselves into thinking we are actually living out the imagined responses.
This way, we can practice our way into embedding the qualities and thought processes I talked about with so much more speed and efficiency. Hi Ken, Just found your blog and this post is my first read. Thank you for all the good points. This will definitely help me out.
They mean well in trying to help and I just have to let it be so. Sometimes we over-complicate things. Perhaps the best strategy is to work on seeing the good intentions of those helping. Then they can back off and let you come up with the solutions. But whatever you do, just remember to have fun. Resist the inclination to take your own shortcomings or idiosyncrasies too seriously. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Carolina.
May I add Try to think in the position of the one you perceive as the offender. Usually people tend to do the best they can an are nice people.
But sometimes, people often unsecured will offend others. Hey John, so glad you offered an 11th idea here. I agree with your perception that people usually try to do their best, to put ourselves in their shoes and try to imagine where they are coming from.
I know a few people with Aspergers syndrome. Knowing they have Aspergers changes how I take their comments entirely.
So you make a powerful point here, John. Thanks so much for pointing that out. Right… sure. Perhaps this kind of trash works for women. But for men it does not work. I will not change who I am in order to be accepted by others. This kind of western psychological nonsense is one of the great diseases of the west. It only helps to undermine our understanding of life and ourselves. This sort of one size fits all mentality is surely the product of an image based society.
Every man must be a picture of perfection or risk being socially isolated and rejected forever. Be any and everything other than yourself.
I reject this article absolutely. Pure trash. I am happy being who I am! Are you easily offended? Do people walk on eggshells around you? Do you blow up at the drop of a hat? Do you walk around looking for something to be angry about? Do you hold on to anger and let it fester and stew? If so, you are not happy. Or at least your happiness is significantly impaired and compromised. If, on the other hand, the scenario I just described is NOT you, then what are you talking about?
If someone is depressed or filled with anxiety, guess what: Change is the ONLY way to stop being depressed and anxious. If someone is seriously overweight and riddled with lifestyle-induced health problems, guess what again!
It is an immature mind that demands love and happiness and a wonderful life by virtue of the world conforming to them rather than having to actually DO anything about it. And it has nothing to do with the west. If you want to play the guitar you have to change your behavior by practicing, learning, growing until you can call yourself a musician. A life without change is a life without growth or improvement. I started this article by asking the reader about their hypersensitivity.
I asked if they frequently take things the wrong way or blow things out of proportion or are considered high maintenance. If they are not, this article does not apply to them—only to those who are easily offended and whose hyper sensitivity to offense is getting in the way of their happiness.
All of life is about change. The world changes. Life evolves. Children change into adolescents who change into adults. Your comment actually makes me sad more than anything. I wonder how many people feel the way you do.
Perhaps you ARE happy but you think everyone should be happy as they are, without having to do or think or believe or in any other way become what creates happiness. Do you think though processes, attitudes, behavior, character and the like have no bearing on happiness? Do you think someone CAN be easily offended. If not, then the ONLY way to grow happiness is to change those qualities and characteristics that, by definition, are holding happiness down.
You say men are used to being told how to live their lives. We all are. Children, men, women, everyone. Religion tells us. Law tells us. Friends tell us. Culture, society, everything everywhere tells us how to live. Psychologists, philosophers, history even implies how we should live. It shows what some lifestyles and attitudes and belief systems lead to Nazism and communism paint an altogether different picture of life than democracy and freedom, for instance.
The teacher offers the correct answer and the student responds by telling the teacher to stop telling him what to do. What I did was to offer ideas for those who are already looking for ways to stop getting so easily offended.
If they don;t get easily offended, more power to them. But those who want to stop, here are some things to try. Only those who are looking for themselves for a way to grow. Or do you propose a world where no one ever grows.
They just accept themselves as they are, no need to change. Just be. Let the world give you happiness even though you do nothing to produce it.
Just have it. No need to change your swing, just be a better golfer. No need to learn or challenge yourself. Just be who you are, even if who you are keeps you unhappy, lost, lonely, anxious, angry and living a life south of what it could fairly easily be with just a few attitudinal tweaks here and there.
That, to me, is a very pitiable and sad life. Not that people are unhappy. I pity those who are unhappy and refuse to do anything about their unhappiness, who demand the world just shut up and make them happy by accepting them in all their manly misbehavior.
Prison, by the way, is filled with people who refuse to comport to society. Total comportment is not what I would ever urge on anyone. But total rejection is just as self-defeating. Sorry about the length. I hope you take a moment to think about my reply and offer a thoughtful response.
I look forward to it. I find your article very helpful and very much what I was looking for. Someone failing to respond, or a lack of attention from an expected source. My first response is to push not just that one person away, but everyone. I wonder if your list will help, to not just re-adjust my thinking, but to also take away the constant sting that seems to accompany it?
Thank you so much for your honesty and desire to do something about it. As you experiment with the ideas, keep two things in mind:.
Not all steps will work equally well for each person. Look through the list and try the ones that feel best to you first. Keep at it. Personal growth can last a lifetime. So stay with it and have fun int he process. Avoid self-condemnation when you stumble. Just take it a day and a step at a time. First-time reader here. I love your list and find every item right on the money. I had an experience a couple of hours ago that caused unexpected pain and is the reason for me seeking out your blog in the first place and made me realize that I still have some healing to do in regards to my now-dissolved marriage of 29 years it was dissolved two years ago.
My ex was very easily offended by many, many things and was one of those who demanded I change my way of being to suit his sensitivities. As a result, I was always walking on eggshells, and that is no way to live.
All this to say, the experience I had a couple hours ago brought me right back to what my ex used to do to me and it was like I got the wind knocked out of me. The dissonance is remarkable…how something I said can be so misconstrued that it has no resemblance whatsoever to my intent and I am left perplexed.
I immediately recognized it for what it was and will now distance myself from this person. How do I heal from the pain of having lived with a person like this for so long?
What changes in the way I think can I make in regards to any possible future incidents like this? Thank you, Ken. I hope you are still reading these comments. Dear Ken My name is Guy Buncombe. Every month I send a newletter Hotsheet to several thousand subscribers with a few items of interest, latest jobs, hot candidates etc. Kind regards, Guy. I would be honored to have the post featured in your newsletter. I hope it proves helpful to your subscribers.
The alternative is emotional turmoil and instability. Ken, I just found your page tonight by accident and I will tell you that this article was very timely. I have actually cried about the whole thing and spent the whole day missing them and sure this was the end of things because they tend to run away rather than face emotional issues.
But it took reading your article to remind me of that so thank you so much! I just texted him back and we are talking again. So glad you were able to stumble upon my work here, Silk! What a great comment—you made my day!
Offense is easy. So glad to hear you fall into the category of the emotionally mature. Congratulations on being able to take that step and reach out to your friend and heal the relationship. That requires a lot of internal strength, Silk. Some people are just too unhappy in their lives, and they try to make other people low to their own levels, we should try our best to have compassion of these people.
Como Ganhar Dinheiro recently posted … Facebook. Now, when someone offends me,with words and then I know its not right, how can I be thick skinned. Off course it may not be true as of what they said, but what they said is said right. It may not be true but the student takes everything what the teacher says. Everyone has a moral standard and are entitled to have their own standard. This would make one weaker right?
Your reply would will greatly appreciated. You seem to have focused entirely on just one of the 10 points I made. Still, one teacher certainly can do damage. But my article is about not being easily offended. I would be offended if a teacher called my son an idiot. Besides, who would be less affected by an idiot teacher calling him names?
It seems to me that it is the one who is difficult to offend that would most likely blow off what the teacher said to him. I agree with you that we all have the freedom to hold whatever moral values we want to hold.
But some values are better than others valuing revenge is not as worthy as valuing forgiveness, for instance. If someone criticizes my values, I can easily reject their opinion.
But if I repeatedly get criticized for my values, it would be wise of me to reevaluate those values. Great challenge, pradeep. I would love to know what you think of my reply. Promise not to go so long before I reply back! NLP principles help so much here, disassociation, the map is not the territory and perception is projection. I think self-acceptance is the key. This is the most difficult for the many people who have been abused — especially if it started in childhood as mine did, from an older sister.
Nice site. When I feel slighted I withdraw verbally, and from others, and just wallow in my feelings. Yet another journey. Hello ken.. I am very easily offended, i expect alot fom anyone ofcourse because i think im always helping people even if they dont want it..
I know i shouldnt expect things from anyone but i do i cant help it. And i get offended very easily.. I am now 55 and still, in spite of therapy over the years, have those feelings of inadequacy always simmering right under the surface.
Though I am a successful business women and have a lot of things going for me, my self-esteem is in the toilet. I am easily offended because anything rude, negative or critical someone says to me transports me instantly back to my childhood.
Sometimes even the littlest thing will do it. Some days I handle it better than others. I know that means people walk around on eggshells with me and I hate the thought.
I try like crazy to NOT feel this way, but it seems inbred. He sucks it up and still works and travels even in pain. I try to be understanding of him, but he has become a grumpy old man and verbally lashes out at me whenever I offer to help him, suggest something fun to do, whatever. Or he just grunts a blunt reply. I feel like I am back at 5 years old, myself walking on eggshells attempting the impossible task of trying to please and be accepted for who I am. It perpetuates the simmering just under the surface feelings of inadequacy, shame and dread.
Here are some smart tips on how to stop being easily offended, from the Meant to Be Happy blog. Channel your efforts in constructive ways.
Yet in real life, no one seems bothered by it. People have gotten to the point where they just care way too much about what other people say and think.
Hi very well said. Thank you very much for a very informative post. Great Article! I love the test at the beginning. It actually reveals a lot if we can get easily offended….
As with the exact steps for overcoming this problem, I like all of them but the one at 6: Love Truth more than Being Right, left the biggest impressions on me! This is a great article, thank you. However, with my husband we are newlyweds 8 months in I hang onto his every word, get offended very easily, hold him to high expectations, need constant validity from him that he loves me and will never leave me, immediately assume the worse in tense situations I let my fear thoughts take over , and take myself too seriously around him.
His culture also jokes around a lot and says certain things I would normally consider rude if someone from the US said it to me. He is so amazing of a person that the mere idea of him leaving me gives me a panic attack. I am striving for self-improvement, growth, maturity, grate-fullness and self-awareness. I am trying to gain inner strength and confidence in the area of my relationship. Self-centeredness is a big one, Ibu. Thanks for adding it. I think more relationships are damaged by selfishness than any other single character flaw.
We are all plagued with it to one degree or another, but those who are the most giving without being door mats to others, of course , are the happiest and have the strongest relationships assuming they find partners who are themselves giving people. Now let's see if you […]. Some people are really nice about it.
I get easily offended. Plus, getting super offended can show insecurity and a lack of confidence. I think self reflection is important if we notice ourselves getting offended all the time. It is amazing how someone can say something and we can take it totally differently than how they really meant it. It is amazing how many different perspectives people can have in this world. Learning about personality types and the four temperaments also helps me feel less offended because I can see how different people view the world.
Not everyone is viewing things the way I am. And the different perspectives make life more interesting. I like your tip to assume a benevolent motive and also the one to accept imperfection.
Sometimes I can really hold people to high standards and myself , but the reality is nobody is perfect. Assuming a benevolent motive helps me to let go of anger. This can be really bad especially if the other person is trying to move past that and change their ways. Another thing is if I am offended all the time then people might stop acting genuine around me. They will feel constantly worried about offending me and stop saying what they want and doing what they want.
The whole walking on eggshells thing. But if we want them to be genuine they need to know they are free and safe around us. I also think if we are in a relationship and get our feelings hurt we could just tell the person that it really hurt our feelings and just be open and honest. Imagine a world where we could just feel free to be ourselves. Too many of us put up walls after being hurt in the past.
I am so glad I found your website after being away from it for a while! I forgot how good it was! So much wisdom in your comment, Mia. I think your way of handling your offense is about perfect. We can talk ourselves down from feeling offended, reminding ourselves to be less judgmental about what others are saying and allowing them to hold opinions and feelings different from our own, then letting go.
Our offense is more about our interpretation of what is said and our inclination to personalize it than the actual content of what others say. I also like that you recognize the importance of stepping away from the offense so others can feel free to be real with you. That says a lot about you, Mia. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Your comment definitely added to the message! ALL offense begins in us. If we are offended, it is because there is something in us that is un healed.
No one can offend us, we react to what is IN US. Brilliant insight, Sonya. So some people start flinching whenever others get even a little bit close to touching the rawness of the wound. The average person? But good parents likely spend a lot more of that time focused on their kids.
And then there are the Mother Teresa types. Happy people have found that acts of service adds happiness to their lives. But the secret is to do the service with decreasing thought for or about yourself. The more you can truly serve from an altruistic lace of compassion and love, the deeper the resulting happiness will be.
I have a girlfriend we have dated for more than a year. This girl easily gets offended to little things. All she does is assume things are okay and points out that am the cause of issues in our relationship.
I dont know how to handle her without hurting her feelings. Please help. Am leone from kenya. Research have found that stronger private connections help improve your well being and your longevity. By seeing how others behave, will give us a lot of lessons to improve themselves in order to become more mature and are not easily offended.
The more insight we get in this life will give us a lot of choices to be. And the attitude of the most important is the attitude that makes us always comfortable among people around us. I think the most important here could easily be humility. This is a beautiful piece, loved it! I had this experience where I offended a person and only realised this indirectly, which resulted me being alienated from his group of friends. I want to point out the need to be direct to avoid further misunderstanding and reconciliation of differences.
Otherwise if I cannot change to the circumstances by speaking out how can I expect others to understand. Safe to say, I have taken hits and I have thrown hits as well but I am human not free from making mistakes. But remember, the article is about being too easily offended, not about being appropriately offended. I would like to add to this whole conversation that there is an epidemic of people who truly set out to offend you, ruin your day and try to mess your life up for no reason other than just because.
There are plenty of dangerous people out there and that danger comes in all forms. To the point where people thought that they could treat me any which way. I was always putting myself in their shoes. I realized that there were some things that I certainly should have not only have gotten offended over, but things I should have spoke up about. I think in this day in age, your advice is not relevant to this generation of people.
It kind of reminds me of what parents, teachers, etc. It made us feel further all alone. However, with all that being said, I do agree with you that there are people out there who are hyper sensitive to everything. This would be a better article if we can find a balance between it all. Because we have to demand some respect in this world or people will literally walk all over you and eat you up, even the best of people. It seems to be no middle ground here.
Hi Liz. So sorry it took so long for me to reply to your comment. My blog got drowned in the sea of other projects I was working on the last couple years or so and M2bH got very little of my attention as a result. So maybe I can make it here as a reply to your thoughtful comments. But that in no way means that I would stand for abuse of any kind for any reason. Putting ourselves in others shoes is a good way to understand them, to empathize with them, to not judge them too harshly. But it is never an excuse to accept their abuse.
My article should not be misconstrued as an endorsement of either abuse or support of the idea that the abused should just grin and bear it. There is no middle ground in accepting abuse or bullying or any other kind of inappropriate behavior. We teach others how to treat us as we accept or reject others ill treatment. Abuse is immoral. Never accept immoral behavior from anyone. Stand against it. Do not accept it. Stop engaging in it, if that ever becomes a temptation.
My article was about learning not to be hypersensitive if hypersensitivity is robbing you of happiness. It was never intended to cover all aspect of all ancillary issues related to the topic. To reiterate, if someone is brutally offensive, stand up to the cad. If they are mildly offensive, dismiss them, but don;t walk around with a chip on the shoulder, waiting to be offended, looking for something to be offended about.
Never accept the abuse. But remember the title of the article. Thank you so much for making me clarify. Great comment, Liz. My clarification was needed. Wow, Ken. I read your 10 tips and really appreciate them. I am one of those easily offended. It seems that my feelings really only get severely hurt when the offence comes from someone that really means something to me.
Who cares what a stranger thinks? It only matters to me what my friends and associates think about me. I see now that I need to think more about what I think of me rather than what others think.
My personal sensitivity comes from the results of years of child abuse and a very unfortunate tough life. I do however have a bit of advice for everyone. The human brain does not like being wrong! This is both on a conscious and unconscious level. In three sequential studies conducted in , Ohio State and University of Texas business professors found that people pretty much hate it when other people talk about how ethical they are.
They showed the willfully ignorant how their clothes were made and found that those people judged others who chose to buy clothes from more ethical companies as annoying and boring.
Essentially, the more moral customers made them feel bad and they responded defensively. Coming on strong with your outrage can have the opposite reaction of what you want, says study co-author Rebecca Reczek. If we specifically examine people who become morally offended when someone says or does something against what they consider to be right or appropriate — not those who are just personally offended — the root of that outrage may be the behavioral immune system.
Humans are hypersensitive to diseases and harmful agents that may be present, which triggers psychological responses.
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